Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
