Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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