Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
