How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
