its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
