I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
