Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize