The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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