Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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