Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
