Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
