she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
