dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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