I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I've blown a few things in my day
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
