The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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