So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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