Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize