He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
NoShamevember. You game?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
