I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
