Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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