Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
