areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
