Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
