You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
