Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
