he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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