what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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