there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
