I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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