Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My vagina just recognized that song.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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