Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
