we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.