Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable

  (818): View more from California

  Freshman in high school? Just your type

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  (408): My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable (818): Freshman in high school? Just your type http://tfl.nu/e4aq
  Replies (2) Good night (1694) Bad night (630)
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  (805): View more from California

  Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can be that talented

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  (805 ): Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters (303): I can be that talented http://tfl.nu/rub2
  Replies (35) Good night (6315) Bad night (505)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on

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  (412): i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on http://tfl.nu/87g6
  Replies (38) Good night (6020) Bad night (1038)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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  (203): so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same http://tfl.nu/kiu0
  Replies (19) Good night (6053) Bad night (942)
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  (315): View more from New York

  thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.

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  (315): thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often. http://tfl.nu/bjyl
  Replies (25) Good night (3415) Bad night (2153)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.

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  (616): On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey. http://tfl.nu/p3t0
  Replies (6) Good night (5985) Bad night (926)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.

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  (479): Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day. http://tfl.nu/trmx
  Replies (2) Good night (2897) Bad night (688)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now

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  (570): Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now http://tfl.nu/f08u
  Replies (20) Good night (3037) Bad night (1494)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?

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  (407): Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives? http://tfl.nu/s936
  Replies (22) Good night (3706) Bad night (964)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.

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  (778): When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back. http://tfl.nu/pu4u
  Replies (18) Good night (4411) Bad night (2099)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.

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  (216): Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway. http://tfl.nu/lxny
  Replies (4) Good night (911) Bad night (497)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?

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  (914): I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com? http://tfl.nu/sqoo
  Replies (4) Good night (1223) Bad night (500)
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  (914): View more from New York

  ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore

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  (914): ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore http://tfl.nu/u5mc
  Replies (10) Good night (1395) Bad night (524)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls

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  (703): This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls http://tfl.nu/fkw5
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (233)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.

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  (425): I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled. http://tfl.nu/8xcn
  Replies (1) Good night (419) Bad night (119)

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