i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.