So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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