update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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