There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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