Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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