Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
