it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
