Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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