Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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