Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
