Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
