Got a toothbrush?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
