**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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