We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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