I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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