Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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