I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
