i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
