3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Blood and glitter go together right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is Oprah even human
pray to the hookup gods
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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