i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
