Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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