Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
