You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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