is your mom at the bar?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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