i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
