Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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