I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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