who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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