just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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