So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
