its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
