My balls are so social today.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize