You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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