i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
