Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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