But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
