it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
