What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
