Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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