Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is wine microwaveable?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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