ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
