I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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