you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
