Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
