My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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