He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
