We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
