Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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