While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
