I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
