You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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