your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
