How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
