I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
