why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
