Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
