We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
